Conquering the insurmountable
Even if it doesn't happen today, it can be done
Black Mountain, Lake George, NY
The sun is just rising. I am gazing across placid waters, at a mountain I have yet to climb.
That mountain is so far away. Menacing. Insurmountable. Staring me down with a stoic gaze that hurls every possible discouragement across the lake.
The darkness is beginning to seep in. And suddenly, everything about this entire place feels like one gigantic joke.
The atmosphere is a clear, brilliant blue, but the air feels like angry hands striking my bare skin. The lake is so clam it shines like freshly blown glass. Yet one slip, and the frigid waters would kill me in minutes. That mountain in the distance isn’t even rated “difficult” — but like an Everest-sized bully, it silently taunts and discourages.
Why do I keep doing this to myself? Why am I even here? I can’t hack this. I was so stupid to think I could.
The darkness is unrelenting in its pursuit of your spirit. Some days are going to be better than others. Some worse. For me, it shows up as unexplainable anxiety, unfounded self-doubt, and unwarranted anger — seemingly out of nowhere. I snap at people for small inconveniences. I bail on things I intended to do. I stew over things I cannot control. And I’m good at hiding it, which in and of itself is a big reason this cycle hasn’t stopped entirely.
No one’s bad day is exactly the same. But what should be the same, is a desire to do something about it.
If you use therapy, or prescription drugs — or both — to make it through the bad days, then you should know you are leaps and bounds ahead of others when it comes to understanding what you need.
If you cry, if you stay in bed, if you take a mental health day — then you should know you are leaps and bounds ahead of others when it comes to understanding what you need.
Understanding what you need is a big chunk of the battle.
I will climb this mountain. It wasn’t happening that day. It might not happen tomorrow. But it will happen. I will look down at my feet, make sure they’re planted securely, and I will propel myself forward, one step at a time.
I want you to try to do the same, when the darkness takes over. Do what you need to do. Quiet the doubting voices. Look down at your feet, and just move them forward. Just move them forward.
Show that mountain you’re coming for it.