Edgecomb Pond, Bolton Landing, NY
It took me a long, long time to make peace with the fact that occasional unfinished business doesn’t implode the universe.
It finally happened when faced with a choice between finishing a route, or ruining the direction of someone else’s day.
My son and I had decided to hike a moderate mountain. Or really, I’d decided — he’d agreed to come along. About one mile in, it became clear he wasn't enjoying himself. I kept positive and encouraged him to press on.
By mile two, as the mud crept up his ankles and the incline increased, he began to get nervous. Still, I encouraged him to persevere. Because after all, we should always finish what we start, right?
About 500 feet from the summit, he full-on panicked.
I'd gone too far. Yet, I was so close.
I so wanted to summit, and take pictures, and share this moment in nature with him. He wanted to turn around and go home.
But he never said so. Still, the look of fear on his face said a lot. He was afraid he would fall, or get hurt — or worse, disappoint me.
In that moment, I needed to stop, zoom out a bit, and ask myself: What's really most important to me here -- summitting? Making the desired outcome in my head a reality? Or spending quality time with my child? What was the point here?
The mountain would always be there. This quality time with my child would not. He could always come back one week, one year, 10 years from now, and finish this mountain. And he could either do so with a good memory of me, or a bad one.
Admittedly, I was disappointed for a minute. Like I said, I really did want to summit. But I ultimately decided not to do so at the expense of our quality time. So I gave him a big hug, told him it was OK, and that we were going to turn around and go home.
"Are you sure?" he asked.
"I'm sure," I replied, a mere 500 feet from the alleged goal.
We all pay for accomplishments. Use the right currency.
I deal with anxiety. It can get the better of me, but not so much in a way that I’m prevented from doing things. On the contrary: I can become much too focused on doing ALL the things. Accomplishing all the tasks. Checking all the boxes.
In many ways, that can be good. But not if it means dipping into the till of time and attention meant for what matters to me.
Get out a pen and paper, and make a list of who and what you value most.
(And make sure YOU are on that list.)
When all the things start to show up, and you're feeling overwhelmed, take out that list, and remember what it is you're here for. It helps to put everything into perspective, shift our minds toward who and what we truly value in this life, and achieve without sacrificing what matters.
The entire way down the mountain, we jumped rocks, we laughed at the mud on our pants, and we talked about Minecraft mods. We didn't make it to the summit. But we made a wonderful memory.
Now that’s what I’d call an accomplishment.